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APRIL, 1921 



Photo by Edward Thayer Munrx 


OF - 









comes in at the door 

gloom flies out at the window. 

Have It Come In Your Door 

and you won't care whether 
it rains, shines or freezes. 

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my subscription for "THE TATLER" for One (i) Year. 
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N ame 




VOL. Ill 

A Few April Showers 

A BROADWAY lounge lizard was run over by a road roller the other 
-*"*- day and his friends were surprised to see how it had broadened his 

The old original April fool is the one who believes that a chorus girl 
loves him for himself alone. 

Fifteen Philadelphia ministers have designed a " moral gown," which 
comes within three inches of the throat and is no more than seven inches 
from the ground. But, who will wear it? 

The only proof of spring that we know of is the fact that the girls 
are getting their furs out of storage. 

Women threaten to uncover their ears for the first time in a decade, 
but don't they hear enough now? 

The talk of disarmament is in the air but it will be a long time 
before the Broadway girls give up their smokeless powder. 

New York horses have dwindled from 118,000 to 76,000 in one year 
and horse sense has decreased at about the same ratio. 

One Fourteenth St. clothing house advertises " Pants, $2.19 a leg. 
Seats Free." 

In spite of the fact that the " best minds " have been called to con- 
ference by President Harding, none of the theatrical managers is missing 
from Broadway. 

One Broadway actor is in favor of keeping the tax and letting the 
government have the income. 

New York runs under two kinds of time — eastern Standard and 
Wrisrt Watch. 




Henry Waterson 

President and Treasurer 

Walter E. Colby 

Vice-President and Secretary 

Published Monthly by 

The Tat ler Pub lish ing Corporal ion 

1571 Broadway. New York City 

Single copies, 1 5 cents, obtained from al 1 
newsdealers. By subscription one dollar 
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William Mendelssohn 
Business Manager 

April, 1021. Vol. 3. Knteritl as second-class matter May C, 1920, at the Tost Office at Nov York, 
N. V., under the Act of March 3, 1879. Copyright, 1921. by the Tatler Publishing Corporation. 

No <*ontrihutlons will l>e returned unless, accompanied by stamped and addressed envelope. Tiik 
April, 1921. Vol. 3. Entered as second-class matter May 0, 1920, at the Post Office at New York, 

Oh Joy: We Can Kiss On Sunday 

FOR some time there has been a doubt 
about it. The reformers who are 
interpreting our laws for us have oeen 
on the trail of this and that and it has 
been alleged that they would not allow 
a man to kiss his wife on Sunday, this 
being almost as great a crime as whist- 
ling or reading a Sunday newspaper. 

But we are charmed to learn that they 
will allow a man to kiss his wife or 
anybody else who is willing to be kissed. 
Dr. Harry L. Bowlby of the Blue Law 
Alliance has recently made a speech in 
New York wherein he said: 

" The Lord's Day Alliance is not op- 
posed to kissing on Sunday or on any 
other day. It is a very enjoyable oscu- 
latory exercise." 

There is a lot of good news in this 
speech for some people and a lot of 
bad news for others. If kissing were 
prohibited entirely it would save some 
aged millionaires a lot of money. Just 

the ether day a Maryland jury gave a 
woman $10,000 for a kiss which she 
alleged had been purloined by a rich 
man while he was undergoing a mani- 
cure. She asked for $40,000 but the 
jury evidently decided that was a form 
of profiteering and that no kiss was 
worth more than the amount awarded. 
It is not known how much has been 
spent for kisses in this country in the 
past ten years but probably enough to 
pay off the national debt. 

However expensive, kissing is some- 
thing that the American public must 
have and it is downright kind of the 
Blue Law committee to allow it. We 
don't know how they could ever have 
stopped it because if they had tried, 
the country would be flooded with illegal 
bootleg kisses and these sub-rosa ones, 


O OCIETY is on the stage. 
**^ Society is in the moving pictures. 

Society is promoting championship 

Society is building racing motor-boats 
and airplanes. 

Society is coming out strongly against 
the Puritanical laws. 

Society is getting interested in base- 
ball and is even shooting craps. 

Society is backing musical comedies 

and is marrying grand opera singers 
now and then. 

Society is banding together to effect 
the abolishment of the burdensome in- 
come taxation. 

Society is getting into politics and is 
making speeches and fighting the radical 
Bolsheviki element. 

Society, in fact, after many weary 
years, is proving that there is a little 
red blood circulating in its system. 

It is about time. 

When men become famous, they begin to pose for a statue. When women 
become famous, they begin to pose for a man. 

The last photograph posed hi) unfortunate Lillian Lorraine before she met with the 
accident which ended her famous career as a show girl and stur 

Geislcr and Andretre 



Calling It a Day 

'T'HE Lounge Lizard — He rises at noon and gives himself an hour's strenuous 
mental discipline deciding which scarf he will wear. He puts his trick mous- 
tache through its tricks. He saunters forth with a six-ounce cane, which he can lift 
as high as his head to signal a taxi. He goes to one of his favorite haunts and lifts 
three loaded tea-cups in quick succession. He dresses for dinner, brushing his own 
hair and everything. He makes one bright remark during the evening — by accident. 
He retires at one a. m. in a fatigued condition. 

The Prize Fighter — He rises in time to knock the iceman playfully down a flight 
of steps. He eats corn beef and cabbage for breakfast. He goes out for a stroll on 
the Bowery and beats up a couple of plain clothes men. He downs a couple of shots of 
fusel oil. He jumps- into a taxi after dinner and runs up on Fifth Avenue, where he 
has an engagement to knock out a pair of bruisers at a society affair of the Four 
Hundred. He dances with a subdeb, and pinches a dowager. He goes home and knocks 
down the janitor. 

The Home Brewer — He rises at dawn, and rinses out seven dozen bottles. He 
siphons fourteen gallons of three weeks' old stuff from one jar into another. He 
siphons it back again. He goes out and buys some more sugar. He rinses three 
hundred and fifty more bottles. He siphons some two weeks' old stuff back and forth 
until noon. He goes out and buys some more raisins. He stirs syrup. He puts some- 
thing on to boil. It boils over. So does his wife. He siphons several dozen bottles. 
He corks them. He tastes a little of his ten weeks' old stuff. He goes to bed — for 
three days. 


TACT: Tact is what prevents a gray- 
haired old rounder with wrinkles in 
his face from reminding a youthful- 
looking woman in knee-length skirt that 
they were boy and girl together. 

Thrift: Thrift is what causes the 
telephone company to issue an order to 
the effect that no operator shall tell you 
the time» of day. Instead of saying 
" Eight o'clock," she saves a lot of time 
by saying: "We are not permitted, 
under the rules of the company, to give 
you the time of day." 

Telephone: An instrument of torture 
which works assiduously only when some- 
one wants to get you to whom you do 
not want to talk. 

Theater: A place where people go to 
talk business, politics, fashions, gossip 
and everything except theatricals. 

Tea Room: A place patronized by 
people who have been told by their 
physicians not to eat very much. 

Twaddle : A sort of argument used by 
a Blue Sunday orator. 


T^T/"E are opposed to the blue laws. 
' ' We knock 'em every chance we 
get. We shall fight 'em to the last ditch, 
and when we get to the last ditch, we're 
going to try to bury them in it. 

However, there's one condition on 
which we will go over to the other side. 
If they want our vote, they can have it 
— on our terms. We shall come out on 
a blue law platform, on condition that 
the blue laws are rewritten to include: 

People who eat candy in crackly paper 

People who repeat the anecdotes and 
cute sayings of their five-year-old future 

People who tell about the wonderful 
liquor they had last night. 

People who tell how the country 
should be run — in a smoking car. 

People who boast about their ances- 

People who jingle keys in their pockets 
while they're talking. 

People who carry an umbrella with 
the point sticking out behind. 

APRIL, 1921 


"I Hear—" 

Intimate Bits About People You Know, Have Seen or 

Have Heard About 

E> ROADWAY is turning 
-*-' its jaded eyes on an 
unaccustomed romance. Its 
incandescent-burned and wearied orbs 
are being refreshed by a love story as 
sweet and simple as the first wood violets 
of spring. 

The heroine is pretty little Genevieve 
Tobin, who is revealing a Maude Adamsy 
talent in " Little Old New York " at the 
Plymouth Theatre. Across Forty-Fifth 
street the sign " The Skin Game " blazes 
above the Bijou. When Miss Tobin's 
dainty form flits into the stage door a 
tall, fair-haired youth stands at the door 
of the Bijou Theatre and looks after it 
with keenly personal light in his boyish 
blue eyes. He is William A. Brady, Jr. 
He is business manager of " The Skin 
Game." His price for continuing at Co- 
lumbia College this year was the manage- 
ment of the Galsworthy play. 

He had met Genevieve Tobin while she 
was appearing under his father's man- 
agement with Wilton Lackaye at The 
Playhouse. But he was still more lanky 
and bashful then and ever so much 
younger. A year is a great slice out of 
a man's life when he has only contrived 
to accumulate two and twenty twelve- 
months. But since they have become 
working neighbors on the tributary to 
Broadway, accident has brought about a 
renewal of their acquaintance. 

The manager of the counter attraction 
lends his support to a rival one. At least 
to the extent of heaping compliment upon 
compliment in his praise of the young 
leading woman and of escorting her home 
and to dances. 

Whether this bud of romance will be 
chilled by the frost of separation when 
"Little Old New York" goes on the 
road, or whether its roots are deep 
enough to flourish without the aid of 
propinquity, is a matter of deep and 
tender concern to The Street 

One element that favors permanency 
in this young affection is their common 
interest in the theatre. Their family ties 
are all of the stage. " Bill " has said he 
would never marry until he found a girl 
as lovely as his sister, Alice. 



John Barrymore, dis- 
coursing to and sunning 
himself in the adulation of 

a group of adoring matinee maids, said: 

" Screen work is harder than stage work. 

The screen takes you down to your 


Girls are funny creatures. They're 
not nearly so afraid of having thick 
heads as they are of having thick 

In one of the exclusive Fifth Avenue 
hotels the widow of a western millionaire 
watches the progress of her son's mar- 
riage. Three months ago the callow 
youth, who had not yet voted, married a 
beauteous show girl, well known of the 
Rialto. So great was her pulchritude 
that one may safely revive an old phrase 
about her and call her " The toast of the 
town." But alas for the permanence of 
human happiness! This human rose has 
a thorn. She is addicted to the cup that 
may contain wood alcohol. The addiction 
was known to the wealthy widow when 
her son brought home his bride. The 
western widow spoke plainly to the pair. 

" I put you both on probation," she 
said. " My son, you must go to work. 
My daughter-in-law, you must fight your 
foe. If after two years you, my son, 
come to me and prove that you have sup- 
ported your wife, and that she has ab- 
stained from the liquor habit, I will con- 
sider helping you. But not before." 

Visions which the somewhat tired 
show girl had of home, and ease, and af- 
fluence paled and vanished in the farthest 
distance. Her little daughter, aged six, 
must be maintained. The pair resolved 
itself into a committee of ways and 
means. The way it decided led back to 
the stage. The show girl has returned to 
the stage. Her bridegroom, who is five 
years younger than herself, is revolving 
satellite-like about her, and sharing the 
contents of her pay envelope. 

A watched pot never boils, but a 
watched woman usually boils over. 

(Continued on next page) 



(Continued from page 5) 

Of what strange ingredients is an en- 
chantress compounded? One who is 
dancing in a Broadway production is 
richly endowed with them, whatever they 

The street looked through its glasses at 
a situation not yet seen on the stage. A 
tall young critic was forced by the ex- 
actions of newspaper life to witness the 
performance and write a critique of the 
work of the enchantress who, a few brief 
years ago, had cruelly jilted him. Jilt- 
ing of critics and others are not uncom- 
mon. But this young critic was over- 
whelmed by the turn in his heart affairs 
and was convinced that life held no more 
savor for him. He felt that there was 
nothing to live for. But the years, and a 
marriage in the rebound, healed to some 
extent his wounds, even though the scar 
is deep and distinctly visible. He still 
talks of her loveliness and her art to 
those who are interested in the art Terp- 
sichorean. His brief review of the play 
in which she appeared alluded to her as 
" one of the greatest dancers of her 
time," and informed us " there were love- 
ly moments and these were chiefly " the 

Another metropolitan critic who great- 
ly admired her was induced to go to a 
cabaret with her. Arrived there she, 
by her subtle art, persuaded him to dance 
with her. The critic, who is ponderous 
and far from his youth, fell and broke his 
arm. By his explanation of that incident 
to his wife he qualified for a best selling 
novelist. He has since been divorced. 

The dancer, who is not of this country, 
is not especially beautiful. But she is 
immensely attractive to the human male. 
A young and usually serious multi-mil- 
lionaire erstwhile grovelled at her feet. 
A famous English author and a states- 
man as famous were rivals for her favor. 
From the house of one she fled in the 
company of a Cossack officer to the war 
lines. He was killed in battle and she 
returned to the cafes seeking and soon 
finding comfort. New York will offer her 
new quarters for conquest. 

/ think it in time to get up an enter- 
tainment, the proceeds of which shall 
go to the devastated Liberty Bond hold- 
ers of America. 

pearing in the role written for that be- 
loved actress, temporarily incapacitated, 
to mention the missing one would have 
been a graceful act. Omitting that men- 
tion has not increased her popularity 
with audiences or the profession. 

/ never see the newspaper pictures of 
an engaged royal couple that I don't feel 
sorry for both of them. 

Smiles, sophisticated wags of the head 
and " Don't you knows?" answers the 
query : " Why was Irene Castle Treman's 
contract to dance in London broken?" 

Mrs. Treman did not herself break it. 
She will go to London in May. She will 
dance in London, even though under dif- 
ferent management. It was the British 
management upon which the onus of the 
unfulfilled engagement falls. And behind 
this breach of faith looms the story of 
the influence of another dancer who de- 
clined to appear on the same programme 
with a rival in grace. 

Since the return of Jansci Dolly to 
these United States rumors of a divorce 
from Ha^-ry Fox are loud. This is the 
second sundering of the love ties of the 
temperamental pair. This one promises 
to be permanent. 

Why, O why, did Lillian Gish abandon 
David Wark Griffith's management after 
successive triumphs under his banner? 

" It was money," said the gifted young 
actress. " I had to look to the future. 
Mr. Griffith is the richest of the directors 
in genius, but because he does his work so 
lavishly and splendidly, is one of the 
poorest in purse. I did not care about 

Theatregoers wonder why Ruth Chat- 
terton in her curtain speeches never al- 
ludes "to Maude Adams. Since she is ap- 

A member of Tetrazzinni's retinue says 
that the woman with the wondrous voice 
has individual methods of sustaining her 
top notes. She does it, he says, by the 
blood of the beef. 

" On the days when Madame is to sing 
she eats nothing. But she orders a large 
quantity of beef, sometimes as much as 
sixty pounds, and has it pressed by an 
enormous hand press. From this she de- 
rives a glass or a glass and a half of 
blood. She sips this blood and becomes 
strong. She also has oxygen pumped into 
her throat. Blood and air strengthen her 
(Continued on page 8) 

APRIL, 1921 


Marilynn Miller, the Toast of Broadway 


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(Continued from page 6) 
for the performance. When she has sung 
she loosens her stays and orders spag- 

No, the member of the retinue is not 
her press agent. Yes, I believe it. 

Massachusetts man who speaks ten 
languages has just married a woman 
who speaks only seven, but we'll bet on 
the lady. 

David Belasco enjoyed the shortest 
run he has ever had on Broadway re- 
cently. Not only did he stage it, but he 
appeared in it in person, playing oppo- 
site a certain ticket speculator. Belasco 
was about to step into his car when he 
overheard the " spec " offering a balcony 
seat to " Deburau " at $3. He turned 
around and started after him, but the 
speculator, evidently realizing that the 
sturdy figure with the white hair wasn't 
a prospective customer, but " meant 
business," showed a clean pair of heels. 
Bystanders, declare that the producer 
showed good form as a sprinter, and 
that his performance could be repeated 
nightly to crowded houses. 

A certain handsome actor, twice mar- 
ried and twice divorced, met one of his 
former wives at an after-theatre supper 
in one of the exclusive dance places re- 
cently and under the influence of some 
particularly good Scotch proposed to 
her all over again — and was accepted. 
The marriage was arranged for nine 
o'clock the next morning, and the actor 
hurried back to his hotel to catch a little 
sleep. On the way, he fell in with a 
friend and asked him to be best man. 
Whereupon, they both went up to the 
actor's home and staged a long series of 
toasts in honor of the coming affair. 
After about the tenth one, they fell 
asleep. The actor was awakened by the 
best-man-to-be. " Wake up, old man," he 
said. " It's almost nine o'clock now, and 
we've got to find a minister. We'll be 
late." The actor jumped out of bed and 
hurried to the phone. " Sorry, my dear, 
but I'll be a few minutes late. We won't 
be long." " Say," came over the wire. 
" That marriage is off. You're twenty- 
four hours late. This isn't Tuesday — 
it's Wednesday." 

way actor. In a reckless moment, he ac- 
cepted a drink down there, and he claims 
that it burned him inside and out. That 
may sound like an exaggeration, but he 
says he has the proof. Anyhow, he'll 
show you where his hat caught fire. 

I had an inquiring paragraph about 
Morton Theiss a couple of months ago. 
Broadway remembers him fondly and 
has wondered where he was. I heard 
he had gone west with his brother and 
joined him in the hotel business. But so 
often did I hear, " Where is Morton 
Theiss now? " that I spoke of him in 
this column. It brought word from his 
brother, word that will bring regret to 
his horde of affectionate associates here, 
that Morton died some time ago. 

He was enjoying life and prospering 
when the end came suddenly. 

An affinity is a woman who will cook 
your goose but not your dinner. 

A certain actress who has never quite 
made her way to stardom, but who is 
deeply loved by an extremely wealthy 
theatrical manager, now has some $200,- 
000 in the bank — as a token of his 
esteem. He did it as a Christmas pres- 
ent, I am told, by sending her away 
from her apartment one evening whi'e 
he remained behind to trim the Christ- 
mas tree. This he did by loading it 
down with innumerable little chamois 
bags, each containing gold and silver 
and paper money. It was not exactly 
a white Christmas, but you might call it 
a yellow one. 

Keep away from Greenwich Village 
liquor, is the solemn advice of one Broad- 


T/T/'HEN Anna Pavlowa arrived in 
** New York on her present trip to 
America, she complained to a friend: 
" There is no more the old Russia, the 
Russia of music, silver sleigh-bells, the 
dance and the imperial theatre. The 
rabble have torn everything down, and 
have set up nothing instead, for they 
have nothing to set up." 

" They have set up free love," ex- 
plained her friend. 

" Which no woman wants if she gets 
it for nothing," smiled the famous 

APRIL, 1921 


A Page of Good Nature — All Smiles 

Mona Celeste and Mary Lewis 

in the " Greenwich Village Follies " 



Change Cars 

By Roy K. ZMoulton 

OHOW I love the thumbscrew and the ducking stool and manacle 
The gibbet and the other joys so purely Puritanical. 
I don't see why the liberals should be so rankly cynical 
When with these toys we'd reach at once Olympus' topmost pinnacle. 

The spirit of mankind, though proud, is steeped in sensuality. 

The trend for many years has been to flubdub and banality. 

Too long we've viewed our brothers' faults with meed of Christian charity. 

The punishment to fit the crime has been, indeed, a rarity. 

So hang the duffers by the toes who smoke weeds cigaretical. 

Or use sulphuric language which is classed as epithetical. 

And those who whistle should be shot by verdicts irrevocable. 

We'll make them good if we must croak each sinner who is croakable. 

There's been too much of blatant joy and joy is naught but criminal 
And they've been singing silly songs not set forth in our hymn-i-nal. 
The pleasure-seeking populace has had its fling salubrious 
And now it must take gloom and grief and mind our rules lugubrious. 

But what if the degenerate and sin-benumbed majority, 
Should rise and kick into next week this holy, smug minority? 


DECAUSE we can't re- 
■D member how many 
wives De Wolf Hopper 
has had. 

Because we haven't 
seen " Irene." 

Because we don't think 
Mary Garden is more 
beautiful than Helen of 

Because, even if we did, 
our wife wouldn't let us 
admit it. 

Because we never fail 
to get action out of a sub- 
way slot machine. 

Because we think 
Frank Craven is funnier 
than the last dozen bed- 
room farces. 

Because our fountain 
pen never leaks. 

Because we never 
bought orchids for a 

Because we only take a 
taxicab when it's raining. 

Because we have other 
ambitions in life besides 


freedom of the high 

VAMP — Anyone on the 
stage under the age of 
eighty who acts like Mme. 

ENCORE— What every 
ballad singer takes, 
whether he deserves it or 

COLD— The condition 
of the audience after a 
grandmother does child 

who begins his act by 
taking off a pair of white 
kid gloves. 

MAGICIAN— A mono- 
logist who begins his act 
by rolling back his cuffs. 

PLAYLET— Any vau- 
deville act which begins 
with a darkened stage, 
and a woman in an opera 

that grows in the gallery. 


DALLROOM dances 
•*^ have reached such a 
state that they'll soon 
have to install checkrooms 
for corsets. 

With these hip pocket 
flasks, it's not the origi- 
nal cost that counts J — it's 
the upkeep. 

It's against the law to 
drive cattle on Fifth ave- 
nue, but that doesn't stop 
one catty woman from 
calling another a cow. 

A married man who 
was traveling about with 
an eighteen-year-old girl 
said that she was adopt- 
ed. Huh, so was the 
eighteenth amendment! 

The women of Switzer- 
land are wearing breeches 
for winter sports. We'll 
say they are! 

The King of Italy is 
writing a history of coins. 
He ought to be able to get 
an interesting chapter on 
the history of our last 

APRIL, 1921 


Patti Harrold 

Ediranl 'VUa\tcr 
II u ii rue 

Here we have three reigning 
stars of the song shops — dainty 
Patti Harrold, prima donna of 
" Irene " and daughter of Orville 
Harrold, tenor at the Metro- 
politan; pretty Mitzi in "Lady 
Billy " ; and Grace La Rue, sing- 
ing with her husband, Hale Ham- 
ilton, in " Dear Me." Mitzi 
doesn't seem to mind showing a 
wedding ring. Miss La Rue has 
hers thoroughly concealed. Lit- 
tle Patti isn't bothered with such 
things yet 


Calendar for April 

Fri. 1 — Lillian Russell was revived, 1966, just to prove that beauty never fades. 
Sat. 2 — Chorus girls began to wear clothes at rehearsals, 1921, declaring that they 

wanted to put on -something once in a while, at least. 
Sun. 3 — Wilson turned down a vaudeville engagement, 1921, because he didn't want 

to compete with other headliners. 
Mon. 4 — Sarah Bernhardt, not able to walk, is still acting, 1921. Plans to continue 

her career in heaven, 1941. 
Tue. 5 — Paris has sixteen hundred places of amusement, 1921, but they're so 

filled with Americans that few Parisians ever get inside. 
Wed. 6 — Statue erected in Central Park, 1930, to the only sister act in the history 

of vaudeville in which the sisters had the same mother. 
Thu. 7 — Eva Tanguay's trunks failed to arrive, 1961, and she appeared in street 

costume. No one recognized her. 
Fri. 8 — A vaudeville performer was hissed off the stage, 1911, for rudeness. He 

failed to call the audience " folks." 
Sat. 9 — A naval officer went skating on Lake Placid, 1922, and broke through the 

ice. He was immediately signed up for forty weeks. 
Sun. 10 — A dramatic critic wrote a play that all the other dramatic critics praised, 

1918. He is just getting over the shock. 

Mon. 11 — When a Broadway star failed to take her usual dozen bows, 1918, the mana- 
ger investigated and found that she had been stricken with paralysis. 
Tue. 12 — Vaudeville act criticized for vulgarity because girl's skirt was supposed to 

be blown off by bomb, 1920. She had no business wearing one. 
Wed. 13 — Children of the future will be taught geography by movies, says Edison, 

1921. And they'll be able to get it fresh every week. 
Thu. 14 — Nijinski, the dancer, has been sent to a hospital, 1921. He probably fell 

and dislocated his name. 
Fri. 15 — Former shimmy dancers went to work, 1923, shaking down the ripe fruit in 

apple orchards. 
Sat. 16 — Mary Garden took charge of opera, but who's to take charge of Mary? 
Sun. 17 — Kitty Gordon wanted to have her back insured, 1924, but couldn't find a 

policy large enough to cover it. 
Mon. 18 — Irene Bordoni brought suit for the recovery of her French accent, 1935, 

which she lost on Broadway. 
Tue. 19 — The Belasco theatre was redecorated, 1930, and all the queer lamps and 

mirrors removed, making it look almost like a theatre. 
Wed. 20 — So far, 1921, President Harding hasn't endorsed a single play. 
Thu. 21 — Frank Tinney began to mix horse-radish with his make-up for the big 

scene with the white horse in " Tickle Me." 
Fri. 22 — David Belasco inherited five dollars from a brother in San Francisco, 1921, 

and opened a new theatre with it, 1922. 
Sat. 23 — An actress who married a Greenwich Village poet said she was going back 

on the stage. Looks as if she already had. 
Sun. 24 — Owing to the role he is playing, Ben Ami is against getting a haircut. 
Mon. 25 — A popular member of the acting profession failed to go into bankruptcy, 

1919. He said it was an oversight. 

Tue. 26 — A special matinee of " The Skin Game," for beauty specialists, would be 

Wed. 27 — Winter Garden chorus girls have formed a business organization. 1921. The 

treasurer can't conceal the bank. 
Thu. 28 — De Wolf Hopper and Francis Wilson, stars in " Erminie," will soon be old 

enough to cast their first vote. 
Fri. 29 — A bunch of scientists are investigating why it is that a play dealing with 

the first year of married life is so successful — on the stage. 
Sat. 30 — Mrs. Fiske broke one of her teeth th«, other evening, trying to bite off the 

end of a word. 

APRIL, 1921 


Over Forty? 

By Roy K. cMouHon 

T¥ you are a New York man and you 
■* are over 40 years of age, you are on 
the junk heap whether you know it or 
not. You are a tottering old wreck, your 
nerves are all jangled, your shoulders 
are stooped and you are only a few 
jumps ahead of the undertaker. 

It must be so, for a scientist has said 
it. He claims that the nervous New 
York life makes a man a down-and-outer 
at 40, and at 50 he is cheating the 
tombstone maker out of a just profit. 
" They simply cannot live the life with- 
out slowing up at 40," he says. 

And, what do you think of that? 

I saw one of these tottering wrecks 
last night. Only he was not 40 but 
about 70. One of his friends told me the 
old boy was just beginning to learn to 
smoke cigarettes and to sit up nights. 
But there is an explanation. The old 
guy hasn't read any of the magazines in 
which the scientist made his report. He 
was coming out of a restaurant in the 
Roaring Forties, swinging a cane and on 
his arm was hanging a bunch of pretty 
furs. Perhaps it was sable and perhaps it 
was mink. I was never an expert on furs. 

He was on his way to a roof show, 
which would let him get home about 2 
A. M., but if he is like most 
of the old New Yorkers I 
know he will wonder what 
to do between 2 A. M. and 

The strangest part of it 
was that I saw a good many 
men over 40 the same night 
who seemed to be having a 
fairly spiffing time around 
among the bright lights. I 
didn't see one on crutches or 
in a wheel-chair. 

These old birds doa't know that they 
have been cheating the florists and un- 
dertakers for thirty or thirty-five years. 
It is up to somebody to try and make 
them believe it. I don't want the job. 

But the fact remains that nobody can 
stand the nerve-racking pace of the big 
burg more than 40 years without slowing 
up and giving concrete evidences of sen- 
ility. The scientists are never wrong. 
If you are more than 40, you are in the 

The scientists have proven it. 

Madelon La Varre, on the 
Century Roof, to go into pic- 



Accidents Will Happen 

High Lights of Humor on a Sombre Back-Ground, Being Some Stories 

Gathered by a Claim Agent of a Well-Known Insurance Company 

from the List of Cases Handled by Him 

INSURANCE which pays benefits in 
■* case of temporary disability is car- 
ried by a great many people. The claim 
agent whose business it is to investigate 
reported injuries often meets with amus- 
ing incidents. Here are a few furnished 
by the claim agent of a large insurance 

" Some captive rattlesnakes in a res- 
taurant escaped from a box in which 
they were confined and so frightened one 
of the patrons that in his haste to get 
out he fell down in front of me and in 
getting up, came up underneath me, toss- 
ing me over his head." 

" I was in bed and dreamed that a 
burglar was bending over me. I struck 
at him so hard that I was thrown on the 
floor with my arm extended and broke 
my collarbone." 

" I placed an electric fan beside my 
bed on a hot night. While asleep I stuck 
my foot in it." 

" In a playful mood I kicked at my 
wife while barefooted and accidentally 
struck her on the knee, thereby sprain- 
ing the big toe of my left foot." 

" I was undressing for bed. In re- 
moving my union suit I fractured the 
second finger of my left hand." 

" My wife was curling her hair. I ran 
against her and the hot curler struck my 


THEY lift their eye-brows. 
They heighten their complexions. 
They tilt their chins. 
They raise their voices. 
They elevate their skirts. 
They build up their heels. 

— And yet there are people who say 
that the modern girls do not devote any 
thought or time to the higher things. 

" I was embraced by a friend, who 
playfully said that he could make me 
cry, and fractured my rib." 

" On a private yacht, I had just had a 
highball, got up, the boat gave a lurch 
and I sat down on the glass." 

" Missed my train and while walking 
on country road, fell over a cow lying 
in the road." 

" Sitting in a chair in a barber shop 
and billiard parlor, a ball from the pool 
table nearby struck me on the nose, 
breaking nose and injuring one eye." 

" Had been talking with another man 
and as I started to walk along didn't 
notice a woman had pushed a baby car- 
riage directly in front of me — fell over 

" I was going down the walk in front 
of my house when an automobile wheel 
which had come off two blocks away 
rolled down the hill and struck me, frac- 
turing both bones of my right leg." 

" I was riding in an automobile when 
it struck a hole in the road, causing my 
teeth to come together with such force 
that my lower jaw was fractured." 

" Looking for burglars, I was acci- 
dentally mistaken by one of my neigh- 
bors for the man we were looking for 
and he shot me in the arm." 

" Shot in conversation." 


LASSIES, lend an ear, I prithee, 
Heed this hint I now disclose: • 
There is art in deft concealment — 
Love is largely ruled by clothes. 

Shanks exposed are not au fait now 
If their stretch for shelter begs; — 

Spare the men who are distrait now 
When you sit and cross your extremi- 

APRIL, 1921 


How's Your Inspiration? 

ONE actress has said in an interview 
that she can never go on in a per- 
formance until she can concentrate on 
her part and get herself into the soulful 
mood. She lies on a couch in her dress- 
ing room for one hour before each per- 
formance, closes her eyes, clasps her 
hands across her breast and concentrates. 
When she rises, nobody must be allowed 
to speak to her for fear of breaking the 
harmony and diverting the soul current. 

Well, there's something in that, as we 
have found by interviewing several prom- 
inent stage people. We find that they 
all concentrate before a performance. 

Fred Stone, the acrobatic dancer, 
closes his dressing room to all callers for 
one hour before every performance. 
During this time he stands on his 
head with his left leg wrapped 
around his neck and concentrates on 
his part. He has never deviated 
from this custom during all his 
years on the stage and he finds it 
wonderfully helpful. 

Raymond Hitchcock always puts 
on a Hawaiian straw skirt, sits in a 
Morris chair in a room dimly lighted 
with a red lantern and suffused with 
the fumes of an Oriental 
and concentrates while 
plays to him on the ukulele 
wierd tunes of the Pacific. 

Leon Errol, who does an 
eccentric drunk scene which 
has made him famous, has 
an imitation bar in his 
dressing room. On the 
back of the bar are rows of 

dummy bottles and in front of the bar 
is the old-time foot-rail which he im- 
ported from Hoboken at tremendous ex- 
pense. For one hour before every per- 
formance, he stands with one foot on 
this brass rail and concentrates. 

But why mention all of them. Robert 
Milliard sits and holds a Gardenia under 
his nose for one hour; George Sidney 
goes and sits in a second-hand store on 
Eighth avenue for one hour preced- 
ing every performance and concen- 

They all do it but it is only fair to 
start that Old Boy Volstead cut quite a 
large gash in the real inspiration busi- 
ness at that. 

Dainty Kay Laurel, in "Ladies' Night," looking younger than ever 

White Studio 



Our Own Correspondence School 

QWhat is an optimist? 
» A. An optimist is a man who 
carries a corkscrew. 

Q. Where do they get it nowadays? 

A. Where don't they? 

Q. How many times does a screen 
star marry? 

A. How many microbes on a one-dol- 
lar bill? 

Q. How old is Florenz Ziegfeld? 

A. Benzine will take raspberry stain 
out of a silk shirt. 

Q. Why do so many stenographers 
have expensive seal coats? 

A. B wins the bet. A and C both lose. 

Q. Where do screen vampires go 
when they die? 

A. They never die unless shot. 

Q. How many yards does it take to 
make a skirt? 

A. Less than that. 

Q. How do you pronounce Constance 
Talmadge's husband's name? 

A. Just as it is spelled — Pialoglu. 

Q. Who wrote "The Follies of 1920?" 

A. Who didn't? 

Q. How does Bird Millman's wire get 
tight under prohibition? 

A. It is packed in a barrel of raisins 
every day. 

Q. Why does William Faversham? 

A. All actors do that. 

Q. Who brought home the Bacon? 

A . John Golden. 

Q. Who is the best dancer on the 
American stage? 

A. Marilynn Miller, Dorothy Dickson, 
Mae West, Constance Binney, Margot 
Kelly, Ada Mae Weeks, Florence Wal- 
ton, Gertie Hoffman, Adelaide, Louise 
Groody, and Fred Stone. 

Q. How many hips in the Hippo- 

A. Two apiece. 

Q. How many ticket scalpers are in 

A. How many white blackbirds have 
you ever seen? 

Q. How many ladies smoke cigarettes? 

A. Consult the city directory. 

Illllllll mililllilliiit 

Many a man has slipped on a wedding ring. Slipped on it is right. 

A good many fathers are working their sons' way through college. 

The man who invented suspenders did a good deal to uphold the 
dignity of this country. 

"It is better to have loved and lost " wrote the poet. Well, he 

may have been right, at that. 

The Blue Law Hand-Book 

(Designed to aid all Reform enforcement officers.) 

T To the Puritans all things are 

2. Women should be old at thirty, 
men at forty and from then on they 
should do nothing but sit and wait for 

3. Skirts must all drag on the ground. 
They are more sanitary than short ones 
because they pick up all the microbes. 

4. Promptly arrest any statue that ap- 
pears in public without proper draperies. 

5. The Maker made the first man and 
woman without clothing, which was 
very bad judgment. 

6. Dancing is hugging set to music. 
Men must be allowed to hug nothing but 

7. Never mind the rule about men 
kissing their own wives. I Few of them 
are doing it. 

8. All theatrical performances are 
immoral. They have been ruining the 
race for centuries. 

9. Women do not have legs. Those 
that do have them are breaking the law. 

10. Women do not have shoulders and 
chests and backs. Therefore, the same 
must be covered. 

11. All bureaus and tables displayed 
in furniture store windows must be 
without drawers. 

12. The more blue laws you can think 
up, the longer you will hold your jobs. 

APRir., 1921 


Rvoses Fkare in the Winter Garden 

Sally Long 

White Studio 

Charlotte Sprague 

Marie Stafford 



Who Gets the Prince? 

r l 'HEY seem determined 

■* to marry off the 

Prince of Wales, who paid 

us a visit a year ago, and if there is any 

young lady either on this side of the 

water or the other who has not been 

mentioned as the prospective bride, now 

is her time to step forward and get the 


Within the past few months, the poor 
young man, who is not permitted to 
enjoy an unhampered bachelorhood and 
sow a wild oat or two, has been en- 
gaged to a Danish princess, his sister's 
lady in waiting, the crown princess of 
Moravia, a young lady with whom he 
danced in New York, a manicure in 
Seattle, a dancer at the London Hippo- 
drome, a shopgirl he met while out 
walking in Picadilly, Mme. Jazzbo, snake 
charmer in the Paris musee; three girls 
in The Follies, a Belgian Red Cross 
worker, the Duchess of Cholmondeley, 
the third daughter of the Begum of 
Swat and Miss Clarinda Dingwhizzle of 
Red Horse, Wyoming, whom he met on 
a Pacific liner and with whom he 
danced several times, not to mention 
several thousand others whose identity 
has escaped us for the moment. 

While a great many young women 
have received their shares of advertis- 
ing by being engaged to the prince, fully 
as many more have been advertised as 
not being engaged to him, as for ex- 
ample note the newspaper paragraphs: 

" Miss Lotta L'Envoi, the well known 
dancer with the Midnight Colic, an- 
nounces that she is not the beautiful 
American dancer to whom the Prince of 
Wales is engaged. She admits that she 
is a beautiful American dancer but she 
has never met the Prince. If she had, it 
might have been all over by this time. 

"By lie Vaux Thompson 

Miss L'Envoi does not 
care to be considered as 
the fiancee of His High- 
ness as she is wedded to her art and lives 
with her mother in a modest marble 
apartment house on the drive with a 
large swimming pool in the front hall 
and she rides each day in her own Rolls- 
Royce. Her present contract has three 
years to run at $4,500 per week and she 
appears every night on the Roof." 

" Miss Betty Bango, the well known 
jazz dancer, denies that she is the 
American girl referred to as being about 
to marry the Prince of Wales. They 
danced together in San Francisco last 
season but as Miss Bango says " it was 
only platonic." She adds: "I expect to 
marry and support another good Ameri- 
can. I have tried five of them and am 
used to them." 

" Miss Arline De Vere, when inter- 
viewed by her press agent today indig- 
nantly denied that she would marry the 
Prince of Wales. ' Those castles over 
there are all draughty,' she says ' and 
the plumbing is mostly obsolete. Any- 
how I never could stand the climate of 
England. No, you may say that we will 
not be married, and this is final. I have 
not heard from the prince in some 
time.' " 

With the society people digging up 
young ladies for the prince to marry and 
the press agents digging up young ladies 
for him not to marry, the Prince himself 
is doing enough matrimonial business to 
keep three or four press clipping 
bureaus working double shifts. 

In the meantime his. mother has got 
the girl all picked out and in due time 
the Prince will be introduced to her. 
It is customary to bring about a formal 
introduction just before the ceremony. 

Mixed Metaphors 

GIVE a thief enough rope and he'll Least said, soonest amended, 

go into the cigar business. 

Never count your chickens before they 

An apple a day failed to keep the ser- are kissed. 

y ' Let me make the hooch for a nation, 

Tell me what you drink, and I will tell and I care not who makes its laws. 

you where you are. 

Too many cooks spoil the delicatessen 

It's a long lane that has no bootlegger. business. 

APRIL, 1921 


Three Nymphs Noted For Their Grace 




The Movie Kiss in Danger 

A BLOW is about to 
■£*■ be struck at the very 
foundation of our cellu- 
loid delight. The movie kiss is totter- 
ing on its throne and is apt to do a 
kaiserwilhelm at any moment. 

The International Reform Bureau, 
that magnificient organization which is 
going to start us all on the road to glory 
whether we want to go or not, will make 
it a principal business to curb the kilo- 
watt-power and voltage of the movie 
kiss. It's superintendent has said so. 
The Sunday blue laws will be only a 
side issue. The anti-movie kiss cam- 
pain will be the main thing. 

We all know those movie kisses and 
gosh, ain't they awful! And, if they 
are terrible for the audiences, think how 
hard they must be on the actors and 
actresses. The principal types of movie 
kiss are the following: 

The eight-minute non-stop soul kiss 
which is too expensive to use except in 
first-class productions on account of the 

The shuttle kiss which is passed back 
and forth. The put-it-on, take-it-off, 
wrap-it-up, send-it-home brand is in this 

The catch-as-catch-can, known as the 
wrestling kiss where one party is will- 
ing and the other is not This is per- 

By Stuyvesan/ Pell 

haps the least harmful to 
the morals of the audi- 
ence, as the kiss is liable 
to land anywhere in a radius extending 
from the chin to the eyebrow. It gen- 
erally happens when the villyun and 
the herowine are half-Nelsoning at the 
edge of the cliff. If he succeeds in plant- 
ing one on her left ear, he calls it a day 
and quits. But it is sinful and very 
corrupting to the morals of audiences. 

The French kiss between gent'emen 
only, commonly known as the official 
hero-medal kiss. This kiss is frowned 
upon on account of its microbe possi- 
bilities and not because it endangers the 
morals of audiences. 

According to the superintendent of the 
International Reform Bureau, the 
Demon Rum, Bolshevism and other 
menaces of the world are as harmless 
as charlotte russe when compared with 
the menace of the lady vampire. Cong- 
ress will be asked to institute a supreme 
court of morals to circumvent her. And 
the worst feature of her work is her 
smacking propensity. 

Possibly the thing to do is to turn 
her loose on the International Reform 
Bureau and it's radium to rat poison 
that she'll bring 'em into camp. 

What do those melancholy birds know 
about kissing, anyhow? 

'Tis easy to give and take as well, 
A step toward Heaven or toward Hell. 

When a girl begins to tell a man what kind of woman she thinks he's going 
to marry, he might just as well go out and buy the ring. 

In fishing for a husband it isn't every woman who can tell a nibble 
from a bite. 

One reason why Helen of Troy has such a reputation for beauty is because she 
never had to ride all night in a Pullman. 

Wonder what the governor of North Carolina would say to the gov- 
ernor of South Carolina now? 

Even a woman who is not naturally religious, will do a lot of praying that moths 
won't get into the fur coat she bought during the January sales. 

I see the price of shoes has taken a tumble and I am wondering 
when the retailers will hear the news. 

APRIL, 1921 


Charlotte Fairchild 

Miss Joan Sawyer, the famous American dancer, 
who has just returned from Paris and a year's suc- 
cessful dancing tour of the European capitals. She 
will shortly be seen in vaudeville with her dancing 
partner, Lee Tanton, and her dog, Achco III, a 
handsome Russian ivolfhound, presented to her by 
the King of Spain in appreciation of her dancing 

How to be Spuzzy, Though Vampish 

/^LOTHES make the man, and the lack 
^ of them the fellow, according to the 
old proverb. Speaking from modern ob- 
servation, we should say that clothes 
make the lady, and the lack of them the 

This lack, however, is not pecuniary, 
but pneumoniary. The vampire does not 
so much deprive herself of clothes as she 
restricts their field of operation, so to 
speak. Her problem is not what to wear, 
but where to wear it. 

Florence Reed, in her role in a new 
play, " The Mirage," exemplifies the pre- 
vailing vampire modes. In depicting a 
young person who is occupying a New 

York apartment on the easiest lease, she 
runs the gamut of gowns. 

For specialized vamping she wears 
jade green chiffon, supplemented by a 
full-length panel of Oriental shimmy- 

For general high jinks she dons a gown 
of white with heavy strands of jeweled 

For contrition, or the morning after, a 
modest gray chiffon house robe, edged 
with bands of chinchilla, is most becom- 

Just what the correct costume is for 
ablution, or the bath, we are unable to 
say. Possibly it is nothing to speak of. 

Tucntytwo THE TATLER 

A Khyme of Reformation 

"By Sloane Gordon 

T/T/"HEN P. Augustus Popinjay first blinked into the light of day, 
' y He vainly voiced his violent indignation — 

He kicked his heels and howled in rage 

And for a youngster of his age 
Put up a lively line of lamentation. 

When P. Augustus went to school he made it his unfailing rule 
To tittle-tattle every pecadillo; 

In every hour of every day 

He took somebody's joy away, 
From waking time until he hit the pillow. 

As tempus fugitted and flew, Augustus sour and sourer grew; 
He disapproved and deprecated gladness: 

Whene'er he mingled with the throng 

He found conditions redly wrong, 
Which simply saturated" Gus with sadness. 

In gloom he set about to free the race from its frivolity — 
To pluck us as a brand from out the burning — 

He organized, with great ado, 

The Sons and Daughters of Taboo; 
Who specialized in soulfulness and yearning. 

But long before the world grew pure ; while still the Devil laid his lure 
To gather sinful souls to regions warmer; 

Gus got a pain beneath his lid 

His works began to skip and skid, 
And doctors came to save the great reformer. 

All efforts made to diagnose the cause of P. Augustus' woes 
Were futile till his head was given heed to; 

And then — Eureka! No mistake!! 

They called it mental belly-ache 
And paled at what the malady might lead to. 

The doctors, ere they went away from P. Augustus Popinjay 
Prescribed as follows: Spiritus frumenti: 

(A foreign form that doctors use 

To designate a bit of booze) 
For P. Augustus they prescribed a-plenty. 

The medicine had zip and zest: Augustus put it 'neath his vest 
And promptly doffed the dolor of the high-brow; 

He gamboled gaily on the green — 

He dubbed a dizzy doll a queen 
And dashed him off a ditty to her eye-brow. 

Now not a knock annoyeth Gus; he careth not a carnal cuss: 
The primrose path of dalliance he treadeth: 

He picketh posies on the way — 

He lifteth loud a lilting lay — 
The salve with prodigality he spreadeth. 

And now you know the stuff to take 
In case of mental belly-ache. 

AI'RIL, mi 


From Head to Foot 

By Adele Vryce 

Broad brims, 
with a down- 
ward trend to 
shade the eyes, 
are in favor for 
earl y-summer 
millinery. Here 
is one that har- 
monizes with 
the classic con- 
tours of Mar- 
guerite Arm- 

>TfHE up-to-date savage maid in 
■*■ the best South Sea Island 
circles doesn't realize what a 
fashion creator she really is. But 
if she were to step on the magic 
carpet with a one-way ticket to 
Fifth avenue, she would discover 
a lot of details in the spring modes 
which look like home. 

Simplicity is the keynote of her 
wardrobe. If she wishes to be 
properly gowned, she takes a short 
— a very short — piece of figured 
material, sews it d ;\vn the sides, 
cuts a hole for the neck, and is 
then ready to step in preparatory 
to stepping out. 

To complete the de- 
sired effect, she twines 
flowers and wreaths 
about her waist, or 
enci rcles her bobbed 
hair, her arms and her 
legs in coral beads. 
And while she's amus- 
(Continucd on next Qagc) 

Dotted net and 
taffeta are com- 
bined in this chic 
and novel spring 
frock, with wide 
r u e h i n g at 
sleeves and col- 
l a r , worn by 
Harriet Arnold 
of " Lady Billy " 

Two - strap satin 
slippers show off 
to particular ad- 
vantage when ac- 
companied by a 
jewelled anklet 



(Continued from page 23) 
ing herself over a cocoanut sundae in the 
South Sea shade (if any), her sister 
(under the skin) on Fifth Avenue is 
likewise sewing up rich brocades and 
cutting a hole for the neck, and twisting 
flowers and feathers and beads around 
their arms, their waists and their 
coiffures. Even the debutante bobbed 
hair is a steal from the Antipodes. 

Of course, the most extreme cut in the 
South Seas omits everything except the 
girdle of beads. Long Island, however, 
dictates a certain amount of chiffon in 
cherry or crimson of the flaming tropic 

The girdles are made of cloth of gold, 
embroidered in beads, or they are numer- 
ous strands of beads woven together, or 
they may be flowers or even clusters of 
fruit sewed on a silken ribbon. 

The old adage that the styles repeat 
themselves once in seven years seems to 
be on the scrapheap this spring. Instead 
of one certain style coming in this 
spring, the modish shops are showing a 
surprisingly diverse array of patterns. 
You will find such designs as basques, 
hoop skirts, full and tight skirts, long 
and short waists, long and short sleeves 
— all rubbing elbows, so to speak, in the 
best shops. 

Stockings will discard the lace inserts 
that decorated the insteps and instead 
will show long stripes of Valenciennes in- 
sertion running from the heel to the top 
of the stocking at the back. The ex- 
tremely sheer weaves will continue in 

The vernal season implies no import- 
ant changes of footwear from the win- 
ter styles. Women have been going 
about in slippers and gauze and they 
will continue to do so. The only differ- 
ence will be in the appearance of more 

Patent leather slippers are booked for 
high favor. Some of them will be piped 
with white and black, and strapped with 
an anklet of leather, and some will be 
fastened with three gold clasps. 

Reading, like the Chinaman, from bot- 
tom to top, we discover that buttons, ban- 
ished from other parts of the costume to 
a great extent, have found a haven on 
some of the new hats. One model is a 
turban of black satin with buttons of 
nickel and crystal. Stand-up and stick- 
out effects in ostrich will not be so smart 
as the softer and trailing models. The 

feather trimming, on most of the new 
models, trails to the shoulder. 

The beauty patch is back in favor 
among Parisiennes, and doubtless it 
won't be long in crossing to this side of 
the pond. They are very small, round, 
and worn chiefly with black gowns, black 
being in high vogue for the spring 

Gloves, which are so exacting a part 
of the fastidiously dressed woman, 
proved the undoing of three women mag- 
istrates in England recently. It seems 
they failed to remove their gloves while 
being sworn, and the presiding magis- 
trate took the view that they were in 
contempt of court. Apparently the Eng- 
lish believe in dispensing justice with 
bare hands. 

Well, after all these years of saying 
slighting things about corsets, and how 
much damage they do, and how benighted 
we are to tolerate them, and comparing 
the wearing of corsets to the Chinese 
practice of binding the feet — after all 
this, along come the experts and an- 
nounce that the corset is quite essential 
to the modern woman. If a woman 
changes her mind, people say that's her 
privilege. And so when an expert 
changes his mind — well, that's his. 


This is to be a cuffless season for 

Coats are being cut slightly longer by 
the fashionable tailors. 

Trousers are likewise slightly longer, 
and moderately belled at the bottom. 

Collars will be worn longer — if possi- 
ble — in Greenwich Village. 


ft/fY lady wears a Paris frock, 
■'■'■*■ A dashing feathered toque, 
The richest gems that gold can buy, 

The smartest sable cloak; 
But now my heart is whole again — 

The heart my lady broke. 

Last night I had the quaintest dream, 

So beastly odd and droll: 
I heard the bells of heaven swing, 

I watched the gates unroll 
And there I saw my lady gowned 

Quite simply in her soul. 

APRIL, 1921 


Three Exponents of the Dance 

Blossom Seeley 
The Jazz 



Did the Old Boys Have It On Us? 

T/iyHEN Erasmus J. 
V V Puddefoot went to 
market with a basket on 
his arm, back in 1813, he didn't have to 
stop at the bank to see how much of a 
balance he had. He took a ragged old 
one-dollar bill, and after buying the 
Sunday dinner, had enough left for three 
drinks at the Pig and Whistle, and they 
were regular drinks at that. At that 
time 2.75 per cent was as unknown as 
a transatlantic airship. 

In those days there was so much bacon 
lying around the house that they used to 
use it for carp bait and for greasing 
boots. As for young pigs and roast beef, 
they got so tired of those things that 
they used to resort to corn cake and wild 
turkeys for a change. The butcher was 
always peeved if the customer didn't 
carry home ten pounds of liver and dog 
meat, just to get it out of the way. A 
pair of top boots, with enough leather in 
them to make fifteen pairs of modern 
shoes, brought $2.50. And still, in those 
ancient days they used to kick on the 
high cost of living. 

The longer you live the more you find 
out about currency and what it will not 
do. What it will do is not surprising. 
What it will not do is occasionally quite 
shocking. When a man goes forth to-day 
with a ten-dollar bill looking for a pair 
of shoes, he might as well look for the 
corner of Twenty-third street and Forty- 
second street. It will take him just as 
long to find it. 

The Sunday dinner had no terrors for 
our ancestors, and they didn't sit around 
waiting for somebody to invite them out. 
The old man would take the muzzle- 
loader, a quarter's worth of powder 
and ten cents' worth of shot and go out 

Bj' ^Montgomery oMack 

in the woods b,ack of the 
barn and pick up a Sun- 
day dinner. Turkey, veni- 
son and grouse were at his disposal. If he 
were particular he could pick up a mess 
of quail, and there was a standing bet 
in every village that no man could eat a 
quail a day for thirty days. When they 
had turkey they ate the white meat and 
threw the dark meat to the dogs. A 
turkey nowadays costs what grand- 
father used to make for a week's wages. 

Still, some people pity the ancients 
who enjoyed none of the modern im- 

Everybody owned a red plush cow or 
two, and the Milk Trust could go hang. 
If anybody had the temerity to mention 
that milk was worth 18 cents a quart 
they would have had the alienists on his 
case in fifteen minutes and he would be 
wheeling a wheelbarrow upside down in 
the insane asylum grounds within two 

They got along so well without mod- 
ern improvements that they generally 
lived to a ripe old age, and it seemed 
possible that some of them would have 
to be shot on judgment day. The tele- 
phone and telegraph were unknown, and 
they always got their bad news a few 
days late, which tended to prolong life 
and to stave off nervous prostration. 
There were 9,873 diseases that they 
knew nothing about, for microbes had 
not been invented. 

Domestic felicity was hitting on all 
twelve cylinders and there was not more 
than one divorce in five thousand mar- 
riages. A man who could make ten iron 
men every week piled up a fortune. 

Pity our poor ancestors. They had a 
tough time. 

Things You'll Never See In the Movies 

CAMERA man with the peak of his 
cap in front. 

Bathing girl in the water. 

Captain of industry who does not 
waste his time puffing at a large black 

Detective who doesn't wear a derby 
hat and close-cropped mustache. 

Hero who does not wear a wasp-waist 
suit from the House of Ginsberg. 

Vampire who does not appear in jade 
ear-rings and black clinging gown. 

Comedian with shoes that fit him. 

Englishman who is not tall, thin and 
slightly stooped. 

Frenchman without a wisp of up- 
turned mustache and a goatee. 

Newrich man breaking into society, 
who does not shake hands with the 

APRIL, 1921 


Greenwich Village Follies Favorites 



Reflections of a Flounder 

/^\NE party on Broadway says Henry Ford is sore at the Jews and has started a 
^S crusade against them because the Jews can make more money selling second- 
hand Fords than he can make selling new ones. 

I met a chorus girl the other day who didn't have a set of sables. It was so cold 
she didn't feel like wearing them. 

Astronomers have discovered a star that is a million times more brilliant than 
the sun. But Broadway managers are doing that all the time. 

Kitty Gordon, according to report, has fifty gowns, and Mary Garden has seventy, 
and the author of this column has to go to bed when he sends his suit to the presser. 

A married friend of ours is not surprised that the women are successful as 
leaders of bandit-gangs. They know how to go through a man's clothes. 

One restaurant advertises a chicken dinner for $1, but I have not been able to 
buy a dinner for a chicken for that amount in ten years. 

Flo Ziegfeld is going to take the Follies over to London. It is said that the ward- 
robe mistress has gone on ahead with all the costumes in a suitcase. 

Dancing with your own wife, according to a friend of mine, is like drinking near- 
beer. You don't care how soon the party breaks up. 

The Ladies — Bless 'Em 

'T'HEY are upon us, 
■*■ boys. They have 
never felt just right since 
we knocked 'em out at the Battle of the 
Amazons many centuries ago. Up to 
that time they were the goods. When 
Jerome W. Stonehatchet wanted a nickel 
he had to ask his wife, Matilda Skin- 
clothes Stonehatchet, for it and then 
maybe he got it. 

The old man stayed at home and oper- 
ated the fireless cooker while friend 
wife went down to the city hall and let 
sewer contracts and discharged police- 
men. Then we got it away from them. 
How we did it has never been explained 
to this day. 

But now, they are coming back. Take 
a look. 

Mary Garden is impresario and gen- 
eral passenger agent of the Chicago 
Opera company and is getting away with 
it. When a tenor wants the star dress- 
ing room he has to see Mary. If he 
wants a raise in salary he has to see 

Anne Morgan has promoted a suc- 
cessful prize fight for devastated France 
and more people went to that prize fight 
than to any other in American ring an- 
nals. It cost 16 smacks per seat, at that. 
Mrs. Marshall Field III has promoted a 
wrestling tournament in Chicago, no 
holds barred. 

We see how one Wall street woman is 
general manager of a bank and gets fifty 

By ^py K. eMoulton 

thousand bucks a year. 
Another one has got up 
a trust company with all 
women directors and officers. 

Numerous hold-up gangs headed by 
women have been discovered and the 
lady-bandit is more deadly than the 
male, as old Kippered Herring once 
said in a poem. When a man is held up 
by a woman bandit, he stays held up. 

The ladies are also running barber 
shops, building bridges, acting as assis- 
tant district attorneys and one has just 
been appointed county judge out in 
Iowa. We don't know what the first 
man sentenced by this judge will get, 
but he will get something. 

One editor has recently asked : " Is 
there a weaker sex? " We'll say there 
is. We know it because we belong to it. 


Eaat of B'way MaU. Thur«. & Sat. 




APRIL, 1921 


Merry Movie Maids 



Confessions of a Film Hound 

TT/'ENT to the movies the other night 
W to see a romance of the American 
Revolution, and the young Continental 
officer who was the hero stood talking to 
the heroine. As he did so he leaned 
against a telephone instrument. 

Was much interested in a Russian 
anarchistic picture play. The plot was 
laid in the days of Catherine the Great. 
One of the most impressive scenes was 
in Catherine's study. On the large, 
heavy, fiat-topped desk there stood a 
modern American telephone instrument. 

I have seen some startling things in 
the movies. Last night I witnessed a 
romantic play laid in dear old England. 
The scene was just outside Nottingham. 
The hero grasped the heroine and pulled 
her out from under the freight train 
just in time and the English Bobby ran 
up and carried her to a nearby house. 
The freight car which was just about to 

crush the life out of the beautiful girl 
was labelled " Delaware and Lacka- 

Friday night, during one of the 
serials, the scene was laid in Paris. The 
heroine was picked up by the villain and 
hurled into a waiting taxicab and hur- 
ried away. While the taxicab was wait- 
ing I had time to note its license number, 
which was " CAL. 5647893." 

It was a pretty romance at Petrograd, 
in spite of all the Bolshevik terrors. The 
eloping couple hurried down the stairs 
to reach the Nevsky Prospekt, where 
their carriage waited. There was ter- 
rible suspense as they hastened to the 
carriage. Finally they got there and 
I noticed, as they climbed into the hack, 
that they did so right in front of a build- 
ing which bore the sign: "WESTERN 

Where is My Wandering Boy Today? 

TX/'ELL may a mother ask, if her son 
V V is in the motion picture business 
— the business end of it. If you don't 
believe it, read the movie magazines and 
papers. For instance: 

Max Weinstein, who was with the 
Cosmopolite Films last week as general 
manager, is a director with Screencraft, 
Ltd., this week, but has tendered his 
resignation to take effect Saturday 
night, after which he will be with Film- 
art as publicity director. 

Ben Bolt, who has been with Filmart 
for nearly three weeks and is considered 
H veteran in the office, has tendered his 
resignation and after this week will be 
found at the offices of Cosmopolite Films 
in the capacity of general manager. 

Ludy Bingle, who was publicity mana- 
ger for Punkart all last week in spite 
of many rumors of a change during that 
time, is now with the Hazy Motion Pic- 
ture Co., but has just bought the con- 

trolling interest in Consolidated Films 
and will move over there on the 15th. 

Abe Rothstein, who signed a seven- 
year contract with the Flicker Film Cor- 
poration last week at a substantial in- 
crease in salary, quit yesterday to accept 
a nine-year contract with Cosmopolite. 

When a director writes to a friend 
and asks said friend to come up to the 
projecting room and see a picture, he 
adds : " I am giving great satisfaction 
here and am turning out some master- 
pieces, but you had better come Wednes- 
day sure, as on Thursday I may be with 
another company." 

Making a luncheon date with a screen 
executive more than two days ahead is 
risky business. Even if you do arrive at 
the hour appointed you are more than 
apt to find that he is on the way to the 
Coast to join another producing com- 
pany. A lot of good lunches are lost 
that way. 


TT7"E lingered by the shop display, 
VV 'Twas March when all our fancy 

To growing things in fields away, 

And so we marked the rakes and hoes. 

Around the streets the gales careened; 

The wind tossed gowns we must sup- 
Were watched by men who idly leaned, 

Again we have the rakes and hose. 

APRIL, 1921 


Jazz Philosophy 

By W. R. Hoefer 

A PRIL FIRST is the universal holi- 
-<i day of Old Mammy Earth. All 
Fools' Day is correct. It is the-one date 
in the human schedule when we admit 
publicly that we are all fools some of 
the time, part fool all of the time, and 
that some of us bat three hundred con- 
tinually in the Silly Circuit. Even Solo- 
mon in all his glory had foolish inter- 
ludes when he could make an inmate of 
a Foolish Factory resemble a double- 
portion of Rodin's Thinker multiplied by 
The Three Wise Men. 

Sol was the heavyweight wisdom 
champ of all ages, with a wicked think 
wallop in each brain lobe, and so much 
sense ballasted between his ears that by 
comparison the ordinary Doctor of Phil- 
osophy looks like a kindergarten addict 
having a mental convulsion trying to 
dope out a set of pretty building blocks. 
He was a wise piece of structure. He 
had to be to make up for his occasional 
silly lapses, to-wit: many a man bewails 
the taking on of his one wife as the su- 
preme simp-tom of his weary existence. 
Yet Sol was a thousand times as foolish; 
he took a thousand wives, deponent say- 
eth not whose, in apparent sanity and 
without duress. 

If there is anyone who will not assay 
a goodly portion of pure fool to the hu- 
man pound he is either the basis of a 
grave-yard epitaph or as well concealed 
as the profits in an income-tax report. 
The wise business man chuckles at the 
comical come-on in the con-game set-up 
and titters at the phoney stock- 
dispenser's stone-thatched victim, yet he 
cheerfully expends eighty-seven dollars 
to view a rough-house betwixt a duo of 
low-browed pugilists and lets a vapid 
vamp with no more charm than a bill 
collector trim him of everything but his 
whiskers and make him gladly jump 
through the hole she has made in his 
bank account. 

His smart, clever wife pities the poor 
animals because they are so dumb and 
gaily giggles at the stupidity of the 
preening peacock and then forthwith in- 
habits silk hosiery in zero weather, furs 
when the heat is kicking the top off the 
thermometer, calsomines her face as red 
ar baby's Christmas rattle and goes to 

Sort of Jekyll and Hyde combination of 
Doris Kenyan. First as her smiling self 
and as she looks in " The White Villa " 

meet curvature-of-the-spine on French 
heels so lofty it would sprain a rattle- 
snake's throat trying to look up to her 

We could enumerate other subjects of 
the Foolish Kingdom until Gabriel blows 
Reveille, but what's the use? Gaze into 
your own mirror and then celebrate 
April First according to your particular 

Yea, verily. "All-Fools Day " is no 
idle appelation. 



Where Is A Guy Going To Love? 

'T'HEY seem to be put- 

■* ting the K. O. on the 

bird who really wants to 

court a girl in New York City and marry 

her. The authorities won't let them get 


Now Rev. Wilbur Crafts and his 
crowd are going to investigate the 
movies and the movies ■ represents the 
last stand of the ardent swain in an un- 
sympathetic city. The only place he can 
find solitude with the young lady for 
whom he desires to become a permanent 
meal ticket is in a movie crowd where 
there are so- many people watching the 
love scenes on the screen that they don't 
see the love, scenes in the audience. 

The young beau can sit with his arm 
about the waist of his sweetheart and 
with her head on his manly shoulder, 
which seems to be the favorite New York 
movie hold, and when the hero on the 
screen says : " Marguerite, will you 
make me the happiest of men?" he can 
whisper : 

" Them's the very words I have been 
wanting to say to you for four years, 
Sadie, but I never could think of them." 

" Oh, this is so suddint, darlink," Sadie 
can say, and another installment plan 
Eden has been started, with open plumb- 
ing, hot and cold water, southern expos- 
ure, janitor service, gas stove and form- 
fitting garbage pail. 

But the end of movie love-making is 
in sight. Rev. Wilbur of the Lord's Day 
Alliance is going to make the movie 
crowds behave. 

And there is nothing doing any more 
in Central Park. The park is now closed 

®j> Louisa ISollwood 

by the police during the 
interesting hours and no 
young man can make love 
in daylight with taxicabs, rubberneck 
wagons and baby cabs whizzing around 
him in every direction. Why, just re- 
cently the park commissioners bought a 
lot of new cement benches, but they 
placed every bench right under an elec- 
tric light. Maybe the commissioners 
knew what they were doing and maybe 
they didn't, but so far as the park wooer 
is concerned, it was a bonehead play. A 
bench under an electric light gives him 
and his gal all the privacy of the presi- 
dent making his inaugural address. 

Courting on top of the Fifth avenue 
bus is hampered considerably at times 
by the curiosity of fellow passengers and 
no young man can do a good job when 
he has to hold onto his hat, drop dimes 
in the register and pick himself up off 
the floor every time the bus turns a cor- 
ner and swishes him off the seat. In the 
winter it is impossible to court on top 
of the bus without buying the lady a fur 
coat to begin with and this is risky busi- 
ness. After the lady gets the coat she 
may decide it is no use getting married. 
But they keep on getting married 
somehow, by doing their courting in sub- 
way kiosks, " L " stations and in cars 
on the Coney Island switchback railroad. 
It isn't always possible for the young 
lady and gentleman to get each others 
names correctly on account of the noise 
but this can all be straightened out at 
the marriage license window where they 
can have a few words in private while 
the clerk is filling out the blank. 

Some people are so dry that talking to them is like chewing a blotter. 

Sometimes a woman is fooled by imitation pearls, but it takes a man to be fooled 
by imitation tears. 

The wise farmer always dresses up his scarecrow in men's clothes. If he 
dolled it up in women's clothes, there'd surely be some old bird hanging around. 

One person in the United States has an income of $5,000,000 a year, and yet the 
chances are that the neighbors think his wife looks dowdy. 

April Fool's day isn't as widely observed as it used to be. After all, there are 
three hundred and sixty-four other opportunities. 

Among the things you read about but never see is a crease in a fat man's 


J Homes from 

\ Coast to Coast 

flashes ^ 

Bright Eyes 


Seasons Sparkling Song Sensation 


Bright ejea_ 

I know yon so well Bright 





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